marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
