HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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