So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She bit a glass in half.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
