The maid of honor just puked.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just high enough for therapy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize