chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
