The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
