So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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