Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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