Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
