I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
