she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
