Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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