why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What a dumb baby whore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
