just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
