I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
