i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
