You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
