it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
