Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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