I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
