tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize