We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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