Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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