stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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