holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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