He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize