I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
