Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I understand Curling. That high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
