need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
