The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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