Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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