So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im holly from the hills drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
