I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
