I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize