There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
