in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
