i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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