Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just had sex bonerless
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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