so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize