I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
