I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
