I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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