I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
