Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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