OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
