Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
