Is it because I queefed?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
