absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
