i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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