Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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