Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
