I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
