to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
