Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
