just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
