i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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