Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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