My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
