i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
