God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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