I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
