he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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