It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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