i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
