I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
