You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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