Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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