I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize