just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
