I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
