he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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