it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
