Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
