i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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