Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize