I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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