I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
