She announced her abortion via fbk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is the high leading the old right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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