Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
