please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
