He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
