So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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