I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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