i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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