I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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