I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
