The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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