actually, I'm a sock model
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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