I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize