I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
