You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
