Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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