Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
operation have a gay friend backfired
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the room spins SO much faster in panama
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
