"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Four minutes until I can fart!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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