I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize