Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
