Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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