I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
