If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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