The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sponge bath it is.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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