Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
