I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
