I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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