just tell him i said nine months
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
