So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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