you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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