I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize