i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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