We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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