The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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