Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
