ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
