Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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