First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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