Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
