If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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