We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize