Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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