so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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